Why Does My Stepmother Hate Me?

As a step kid, chances are you will often have a tough time with your stepmom and even lock horns occasionally. But that does not necessarily imply that she hates you. Unless there is a semblance of emotional, verbal, or even physical abuse, which is unacceptable, your stepmom may be in the same tricky positions as you are, a challenging one. Remember, just as much as you love your dad, they do, too, and there should be no reason for them to hurt you. Naturally, your stepmom should do what makes your dad happy, and that is to love and care for you.

Even so, the situation can be stressful, even weird, and the only person who understands and fits in your shoe is just you. Everyone has different personalities, and your stepmom may not be the most empathetic person in your situation. Still, you may have to look at things more objectively, with the understanding that she is not your biological mom. The deep emotions, compassion, and love may be lacking from her side. And while she is just doing her job caring for you in the best way she can, you may interpret it as hate.

Probable Reasons for Your Stepmom’s Dislike of You

Not to be judgmental in any way, but jealousy may rear its ugly head in your step-family. It means that your stepmother may not, for a fact, hate you. Only that she hates everything you represent. Perhaps she resents you as a pure product of the love your mom and dad shared before she came into the picture. As a constant reminder, you also pose a more significant threat to her exact position in that environment, making her insecure. In this case, she needs to grow and mature up and accept the status quo. 

This is just an assumption, though. And there could be valid reasons your stepmom dislikes you. Could it be that you do not listen and take her instructions? Perhaps, you are equally rude and condescending towards her? If that is true, then it’s normal for her to react the way she does.

You Can Mend and Improve Relations with Your Stepmother

Before you make any conclusions, you should do a self-evaluation and see where the problem is coming from. mostly, hate does not come on suddenly. It takes actions and maybe words uttered to manifest. It is the reason you need to retrace your steps and see if there is anything that warrants your stepmom’s deep dislike for you. It’s a tough call, but the only way you can charm everyone, including your stepmom and dad, is to try and be on your best behavior. Try as much as you can to support her, help around the house, and do your chores. It may take minimal but genuine effort to come back into your stepmom’s good books.

Schedule a Private Meeting with Your Stepmom to Iron Out any Differences

Frankly, your stepmom has nothing to lose, even if she continues hating you as she now has her secure position in the home. But you can lose it all, especially if she decides to poison your dad and siblings against you. Even if she’s your caregiver, she can decide to lie and connive against you. But you can play smart, and this means humbling yourself and being small before her. You can ask them for a brief but private meeting to know where and what you might have done wrong. Be brief and avoid any accusatory language as you speak to her. If she points out your mistakes, if any, genuinely apologize and promise to be changing for the better.

Speak to Your Dad About the Lingering Bad Energy

It is not guaranteed that your stepmom will relent from the hate, even after you have talked with her. The remaining shoulder to cry on might be your dad. You can talk to them confidentially about how you feel. Again, the trick is to avoid accusing or blaming your stepmom to your dad. Only be candid enough, and give him the details and honest examples of why you think there is negative energy between your stepmom and you. Mostly, they will understand where you are coming from. It’s likely they also know your stepmom’s nature, and they may, of course, try and rectify things in your favor.