My Kindergartener Says She Has a Boyfriend!

Many children form fast friendships in kindergarten. One day, your little girl might come home from class and declare she has a boyfriend.

My Kindergartener Says She Has a Boyfriend

Little girls are a bundle of emotions. One of those emotions is a desire to develop new attachments to people outside the family. Movies, TV shows, and books may have given her a vague sense that a “boyfriend” is a special friend who’s a boy. Calling him her boyfriend sets him apart from the other kids.

She might give one special boy this title because he asked her to be his girlfriend. He may even have made things formal with a plastic ring or a leaf of grass wrapped around her finger. Isn’t it romantic?

How Does It Start?

She may have laid claim to the young man herself, declaring him her one and only before one of the other little girls could snag him.

Many little girls don’t even think about having a boyfriend until another little girl brings up the subject. One of her friends or classmates might start talking about her own boyfriend. She might ask your daughter, “Who is your boyfriend?”

If your daughter doesn’t have one, she’ll pick a boy in class she likes or a friend. “That’s my boyfriend,” she’ll announce. It could be news to the boy and everyone else. Most little boys go along with it, so her chances of rejection are low.

Should You Take Any of It Seriously?

Your daughter may act just like any other person in love. She may talk about her boyfriend, wonder what he’s doing and tell you his favorite color. She may even ask to talk to him on the phone.

It’s not serious, and it’s a very sweet, funny part of growing up. It is almost guaranteed to pass quickly. She could very well forget all about her special friend by next school semester or next week.

She’s Growing Up

You might feel sad that she’s already thinking in grown-up terms about a boyfriend. Part of you wants to tell her to wait. Part of you wants her to stop worrying about boys and concentrate on her own life.

That’s why it’s important to keep talking with her. You’ll probably learn that he’s her boyfriend because they like playing together and hanging out. If she’s only playing with or talking to him, that might be grounds for concern. If she’s playing with him and other kids but likes him best, that’s fine.

Another thing to learn is whether this special friendship is causing her problems at school. Are she and her boyfriend acting up in class? Are they ignoring schoolwork or other children because they’re too wrapped up with each other? That’s not healthy.

If you get any sense that the relationship is having a negative effect on her, it might be time to talk with her teacher. The teacher can let you know if there’s any reason for concern.

Should You Meet Her Boyfriend?

You may feel better about the whole thing if you can meet her special friend. Your daughter might ask if she can invite him over for dinner or a play date. If you agree to do it, get her involved in the preparations. Ask her to help you clean or bake cookies in honor of the special day. She’ll enjoy it, and it will be an exciting time for both of you.

If you don’t get a chance to meet him, don’t worry about it. Keep asking your daughter about him so you can get a sense of how she’s spending her time at school.

When It’s All Over

One day, you may hear that everything is over. There may be a brief, dramatic breakup. She may wake up one day and change her mind about the guy. It’s all part of the mystery of kindergarten love.