The joy in every relationship is the existence of mutual understanding, which leads to peaceful coexistence. This setup applies to all relationships, relatives included. For this to happen, it requires the cooperation of both parties. The joy in every family lies in pursuing peace at all costs.
However, it may be challenging to attain this ideal if a family member turns out to be verbally abusive. Such an environment can be toxic, especially to one who is on the receiving end. Various thoughts will keep on racing in mind while seeking to understand and cope with the situation. It even gets worse because it involves your brother-in-law, someone close to the love of your life.
You might be wondering why he is abusive towards you. You may further wonder how you could bring this behavior to an end without injuring your husband’s relationship with him. Your reaction could also jeopardize the association with your husband. Facing such a compromising situation is quite difficult. One needs to tread softly to preserve the family tie and stop the abuse. In this article, you will find out how to safely go about the entire situation.
Forms of Verbal Abuse
There are different dimensions of verbal abuse. Aside from the well-known loud outbursts, one could also choose the silent treatment. Concealment of information, name-calling, and charging one for events beyond their control are ways that the abuse might manifest.
Why the Verbal Abusive?
This question is inevitable, considering your situation. However, it is difficult to know the exact reasons for the same unless the perpetrator speaks out. The nature of abuse could also offer some clues as to why your brother-in-law abuses you.
Disapproval of your marriage to his brother might be the reason behind his abuse. According to him, you might not be the right person for his sibling. Because your husband chose you despite his desires, the only way of getting back at you is ill-treatment.
He might view you as a threat to his relationship with your husband. Before joining that family, there may have been a close bond between the brothers that your presence threatens. He might feel that you are separating them. Since he lacks the courage to speak out, he channels out his negative feelings in the form of abuse.
You might also cause this depending on how you relate with him and treat him. However, unjustified, it might happen. If so, try to change your ways too.
Considering the above-tackled factors, you must find out how to wisely handle such a situation. You have a marriage to protect, siblings to keep together, and an abusive in-law to handle. Much tact is required for everything to turn out well.
Here are some suggestions to consider. Remember, not all suggestions given here will work for you. Try to pick those that are relevant to your situation and apply them well.
Steadily Tell Him to Stop
You need to remain strong in such a situation and stand your ground. No matter the situation or circumstances, no one has the right to abuse you in any way. Therefore, whenever he hurls abuses at you, calmly ask him to stop. If he is calling you names, tell him to stop it as you mention the name he has used on you.
If he tries to pin the blame on you for something you are innocent of, tell him to stop it. At all costs, you should never try to reason with him at such a time or offer explanations. All this will be futile as he is in an irrational state.
Walk Away from Him
If he does not respond positively to your calm request for him to stop, you can advance your tact. Answering back when abused will only serve to fuel the situation. At the same time, you will stoop to the low level of your abuser. It is wiser for you to walk away from him.
In doing so, you will communicate to him that you do not condone the behavior. If you do this repeatedly, chances are he will change. Try to be as patient and persistent as possible.
When walking away does not prove helpful, you might need to limit your contact as much as possible. It may be challenging if you live in the same house. However, in reducing your association, you can freely relate when other people are around. The chances of him getting abusive may then be limited.
At some point, you may be forced to have permanent distancing. However, to reach this decision, you will have to talk to your husband.
Speak to Your Spouse
In the course of all the verbal abuse suffered, it is impossible for your spouse not to notice. It would help if you openly spoke about your feelings and how you would like him to intervene. Being his brother, he may have a way of putting everything to an end. If all fails, you may both consider sending your brother-in-law to other siblings or back to your parents-in-law.
In the end, what matters is your peace of mind and friendly coexistence with your family members. Seek to maintain this at all times for your never-ending joy.