My Son’s Girlfriend is Emotionally Abusive

It’s difficult for parents to watch their children grow and mature. You feel like you’re losing your baby, and you don’t want to let them go. Soon, they find someone to share their time and heart with other than you.

You want to love your son’s girlfriend and treat her like part of the family, but what if she’s emotionally abusive? If you get involved in the situation and prohibit your son from seeing her, he’s only going to want her more. When do you know when it’s time to step into this disastrous situation?

Why Are People Verbally Abusive?

No one is going to act like its sunshine and roses all the time. Life is hard, and you can expect some grumbling and nasty attitudes, especially teenagers and young adults. Verbally abusive people often use their words as a method to control others.

It possible she is from an abusive home and is trying to soothe her broken ego by demeaning others. Individuals like this assume that by cutting another person down, it lifts themselves to a higher level. Be wary because you are seeing all the insecurities coming to the forefront. Generally, there are four reasons why someone is verbally abusive; they are:

  • They Have a Mental Health Disorder
  • They are Insecure and Have a Low Self-Esteem
  • There is A Drug or Alcohol Problem
  • They Are an Abuse Victim

Is There an Underlying Mental Health Disorder?

One of the common traits of a narcissistic person is that they are downright mean. Other signs to look for is someone who makes a big deal out of everything and has a big ego. It’s common to catch these people in lies, so you need to be careful. They love to embellish stories to make themselves appear grander.

Other mental health problems can make a person verbally abusive too. Things such as depression and anxiety can make people irritable and mean. Also, you can’t rule out a personality disorder such as borderline.

Are Drugs and Alcohol to Blame?

Young people often experiment with drugs. Drugs alter the neurotransmitters in the brain like serotonin and dopamine. These transmitters control how you think and feel. Some people get happy when they are drunk and high, while others become mean. It all depends on their body, the substances they take, and how they react.

The girlfriend may be experimenting with drugs or alcohol, and you’re seeing the residual effects of her substance abuse.

Confronting the Issue Head-On

It doesn’t matter what is going on inside, as it’s never okay to treat someone poorly. First, talk to your son and make sure he is aware that her behavior is over-the-top. He should never settle for anyone who doesn’t treat him well. Additionally, make sure he isn’t sticking around, hoping to change her.

Your son may be in love and don’t want to break up. As parents, it’s hard to watch your kid go through such things. If your son is under the age of 18, you have a say on who he can and cannot date. Just be careful about pushing too much if he’s close to adulthood, as he can resent you for your choices.

If he is over the age of 18, there’s not much you can do. You can talk to the girl and try to make her see how belittling she sounds to your son. If she has a nasty attitude, she will probably tell you to mind your own business.

Don’t Overstep Your Boundaries.

It’s so hard in situations such as this to keep from overstepping your boundaries. Remember, if your son is of age, this could be the mother of your grandchildren. You don’t want to cause a rift in the family that may last for years.

However, you do have the right to say what won’t happen in your home. Additionally, if your child is underage, then you can put your foot down. It’s a difficult situation, but it’s one that’s hard for a parent to sit by and do nothing.