Having a bond with your child is the hope of every pregnant mother as they look forward to nurturing and loving this wonderful gift they are about to have.
The first few months of developing your baby’s routine, while feeling the love your baby has for you, is hard to trust others with when you must return to work.
Watching your child reach for or cry out for another can cause unexpected emotions of sadness and jealousy. If you think you are alone in these feelings or feel like your child prefers the babysitter over you, you are mistaken.
Many women worry about building bonds when they must share their children with someone else. Here are five common concerns of new daycare moms and ways to help you deal with these stressful feelings after returning to work.
He stops crying when the babysitter picks him up
It is difficult to see your baby being calmed by someone else. But rest assure that you would rather your baby stop crying than start while in other arms.
It may be frustrating when you have tried everything to calm your baby’s cries, and nothing seems to work, then your babysitter quiets your child while barely trying. It is not you.
Babies can sense stress, and after you have had little sleep, gotten everyone ready, and rushed out the door, mornings can become stressful. When you begin feeling sad because your baby seems calmer with your sitter, remember the sitters’ job is to calm your baby.
They get paid to care for and love your child while you must tackle all the difficult tasks and keep everything smooth. So yes, sometimes your babysitter can calm the baby easier. Take a breath and be glad you have one that wants to.
He is more active at daycare than at home
After working all day, you are excited about getting home and spending quality time with the baby. The problem is, by the time you get him home, you get bath and bedtime.
The babysitter talks to you about all the cute cooing and moving he has done all day but at home is not very active. This is normal. Just like you, your baby has had a full day and is ready to be home and relax.
It feels like you are missing all the fun things throughout the day, but you are getting important bonding time that no one else is privy to. Soak up the cuddles and smell the baby bath because this type of bonding time will not last forever and you will miss it when it is gone.
I do not always know what he needs, but the babysitter does
It is not abnormal for your childcare provider to know what your child needs throughout the day, sometimes better than you do.
Your babysitter has your child as a full-time job every week, and any good babysitter will develop a schedule that works for your child.
This means your child will get used to eating, sleeping, and playing at relatively the same times every day, giving you babysitter much-needed knowledge on what your child needs and when. So, talk with your sitter and see if you can get a similar schedule on your days off.
This will not only help your child build security and comfort, but it will help you have more time bonding and less time trying to figure it all out.
In a sense, you will co-parent with your babysitter, and your baby will not be the only winner. You both will.
I might miss an important milestone
If you are afraid you will miss the first rollover or the first giggle, you are experiencing the same separation anxiety that millions of others face every day.
Separation anxiety in parents develops when the thought of leaving your child becomes overwhelming.
Some of the symptoms can include, but are not limited to:
- Sad feelings
These feelings can become too much to handle on your own and can be discussed with a doctor if they begin to interfere with your everyday routine.
Understand that you will miss somethings while you are at work, but the things you will not miss will far outweigh the few you do. It is important to take care of yourself during this transition back to work so that the stress on you and your child will be lessened.
He called her mommy
The number one fear for many moms going back to work is that the baby will begin to believe the babysitter is the mom. This fear can be made worse the first time your baby accidentally calls the babysitter mommy.
This does not mean he believes the sitter to be you. It also does not mean that he likes the babysitter more. When babies begin to say words, they will use their new-found vocabulary in any environment.
As their vocabulary grows, they will begin calling out to the caretaker and use the words most associated with caretakers. This word is all too often the word mommy. Your baby knows who you are, and your baby is not the first baby to call another person by the wrong name.
You will not be the perfect parent at all times, and you do not have to be to have the loving bond you desire. However, you are not alone in feeling like your baby likes the babysitter more than you, but this is just not the case.
You and your child are both learning how to cope with the changes of you going back to work and getting used to the new routines.
However, you are lucky to have a sitter that loves your child and wants to give him the best care. Just remember, your babysitter gets paid to spend quality time with your baby, but the bond you have is natural and can never be broken.