What to Say to Someone Who Had Miscarriage
There is absolutely nothing worse than the death of a child. When your friends baby died, a part of her died too. She will need your love and support now more than ever. How do you let someone that is so devastated know how much you care without invading their space? There is no right or wrong way to handle the situation. You must take things day by day and be there as a shoulder to cry on or to love from a distance. Here are some ways you can help after your friends baby died.
Encourage Her To Get Out Of The House
Dealing with death is never an easy thing. However, when your friends baby died, something inside of her changed. She is forever altered. The most natural response to the situation is to isolate. She may want to be alone and grieve, which is fine. The problem is that locking herself away is not going to resolve anything. Allow her to mourn, but never allow her to close herself off from the rest of the world for extended periods.
Encourage her to go out and get coffee or get some lunch. She may not feel like eating, and she may sit and cry the whole time, but at least she is out of the house. Since your friends baby died, her tears will be plentiful both in and out of the home. Just make sure to have a tissue and a listening ear always available.
Nothing good ever comes from being hidden behind four walls. It’s easy to slip into a depressive state when isolating. The mind and body need time to process the incomprehensible amount of pain it must handle. A child that she loved and prepared for is now gone. When your friends baby died, it flipped her whole world upside down. She needs to find a way to be centered again, but that will not happen overnight.
Get Her Involved in Support Groups
There is strength in numbers. There are tens of thousands of support groups across the country. Some you can meet with people in person while others are internet based. Depending on where she lives and her level of comfort, you can find a group that allows her to connect with other people going through the same thing.
When your friends baby died, she became an island all to herself. She probably doesn’t have anyone close that has experienced the same thing. By encouraging her to connect and share her story with others, she will find healing. Telling others about your pain is never an easy thing. She may find it hard to share her story at first, but after she attends a few sessions and learns that she is safe, she may eventually want to open up.
The great thing about a support group is that you feel surrounded and like someone else truly understands. People always say they know how someone feels, but until you have walked the same path, you could never even imagine the pain that flooded surrounded when your friends baby died.
Processing grief is not something that comes with a manual. There will be times that your friend feels like she is barely surviving. She will go through periods of anger, denial, depression, and finally, she will accept what happened. It’s easy for things to get out of hand quickly.
If you notice that she is not eating, hardly sleeping, sleeping too much, and she is not taking care of her hygiene, then it may call for drastic measures. When your friends baby died, she could have lost her will to live. If she gets to the point of letting herself go, then she needs to see a therapist.
There are many different types of therapy. The most commonly used ones are cognitive-behavioral and psychoanalytical. Through counseling, she will talk with an objective third party who has walked this path with others. A therapist can give her tools and tricks to help her overcome her grief. She may even look forward to getting out of the house and going to counseling.
When your friends baby died, it left her with more questions than answers, and a counselor can help her resolve some of her inner turmoil. Validating those emotions, releasing them, and learning to move on, is imperative to get over any grief.
Take Her To See A Doctor
After your friends baby died, she will walk through some dark times. As a friend or relative, you must watch for warning signs. While some signs of depression are normal, other things are more concerning. Here are some things that indicate that it’s time for her to see a doctor after your friends baby died:
•She has lost a significant amount of weight
•She has lost her job or is not going to work regularly
•She is ruminating about suicide and death
•Your friend is not answering her phone and isn’t letting anyone in
•You don’t hear from her anymore, and she always called every day
•She is letting her house, hygiene, and bills go
•Death is affecting her marriage
•She isn’t taking care of her other children
•She can barely get out of bed and function
These are all signs of depression, but when a depressive state lasts for more than a couple weeks, it’s time to get help. Many medications can control anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. When your friends baby died, her mind could have shut down because it was unable to deal with the trauma. She is responding the only way she knows how. A doctor can get her on the right medication or treatment plan and ensure that she gets back on a normal routine.
Other Things You Can Do
Even if your friend seems to be coping well with the death of her child, there are many things that you can do that will be helpful. Sometimes, being a good friend is about picking up the slack and helping her get through the most difficult times in her life.
Cook A Meal or Two
Cooking can be a major chore when you don’t feel like crawling out of bed. Why not make some meals for her family that she can pop in the oven. If she belongs to a house of faith or another group, why not have people take turns bringing dinner to the family. Many grieving mothers will appreciate help with dinner.
Clean Her House
No one wants to scrub toilets and clean showers when they barely have the strength to go another day. Coming in and cleaning the house, throwing in a load of laundry, and making sure the other kids have clean undies is vital. She isn’t going to think about all those things. When your friends baby died, housecleaning became the last thing on her mind. She will appreciate the help.
Send Her Flowers
Sometimes there is nothing you can do for her. Some people will keep you at arm’s length distance because that’s the only way they can process their grief. Flowers are always a good choice to help cheer someone up. Seeing a bright and cheery bouquet can give her a reason to smile.
Being a good friend means listening and saying nothing in reply. Some people need a shoulder to cry on, but they don’t need unwarranted advice. What can you possibly say that can make life better since your friends baby died? Let her cry, scream, rage, or say nothing at all. She needs you now more than ever.
Helping Her Move On
Unless you’ve experienced the loss of a child, you cannot imagine the horror she is going through. When your friends baby died, she lost her bearings. Everything that she held near and dear was ripped out from under her. She may suffer from relationship troubles, it can drive a wedge in her marriage, and her other children will be affected. The best thing you can do for her is just to be there.
Being there doesn’t cost any money, and it doesn’t make you glamorous. However, to your friend who lost a child, your presence may be what saves her. Don’t give up on her no matter how many times she pushes you away. If she doesn’t want to talk today, then try again tomorrow. She needs you to be persistent, and she needs you to be in her corner. Don’t fret if she snaps at you.
Remember anger is the easiest emotion to show. She may snap, rage, and yell at you at times. Being a friend means being there in good times and bad. When your friends baby died, she knew that she could get through it if she had you by her side. So even if she needs nothing, just having you close will mean everything. Sometimes, you just don’t want to be alone when you are surrounded by grief.