The process of becoming a parent is as amazing as it is terrifying. There are many decisions to make and preparations to make as you await your baby’s arrival. One of the first things that moms have to do after knowing that they are pregnant is informing the child’s father. When married, it is automatically assumed that your husband is the father of your baby. For this reason, it gets tricky if the child you are carrying is not your husband.
Additionally, it is more complicated if the child’s dad is a close relative, such as your brother in law. If this is one of the cases you are going through, do not feel guilty and alone since you are among other women going through the same. Read on for help on carrying on when the father of your baby is your brother in law.
Are You Sure That Your Husband Is Not the Father?
If you had an affair with your brother-in-law, guilt might make you think that he is the father of your baby. However, if you are still sleeping with your husband, there are chances that he is the father. Therefore, before you start panicking, liaise with your doctor to determine when you got pregnant to confirm the father. However, if you have not been with your husband for a while, he is not the father.
Should I Tell the truth?
Some complicated truths are better if left unsaid to avoid hurting somebody. However, when it involves critical information such as the child’s father, it is best to inform them. First, let your brother in law know that you got pregnant after the affair that you had. Reach an agreement on how to inform your husband and on how to parent together. If he is not for the idea of informing your husband, go ahead and inform him for the sake of your unborn child. After all, honesty is one of the strongest pillars of marriage. It is unfair for your husband to raise a baby, thinking that he is the father when he is not. Waiting too long to break the news will affect your relationship with him and with the child.
After informing your husband that you are pregnant and he is not the father, you can expect him to get mad at you. This is especially if you are happily married. Therefore, give them some time to calm down after the shock. When they are calm, you can then discuss possible options together.
How Do You Tell Your Husband He Is Not the Father?
One of the toughest steps you will have to take in pregnancy is informing your husband that he is not the father. Most moms-to-be want to inform them but cannot figure out how to do it. Some of the ways through which you can deliver this terrifying news to your husband are:
Ask for Help
One of the reasons why it is hard to tell your husband that he is not the father is because you fear hurting someone you love. Seeing your husband hurt from the news that you give him will hurt you as well. For this reason, if you are in such a situation, you can ask somebody else to help you deliver the news. You can go for a mutual friend or relative who does not judge either of you. If you are comfortable with it, accompany them when they break the news so that they can help you two talk about it.
Make a Video
At times, your husband should hear that news from you. If you are not willing to see their face when you break the news, you can take advantage of a video. Please take a moment and make a video containing comprehensive information that he is not the father and who the biological father is. Additionally, ensure that he is alone when he listens to the video.
Write It Down
Writing has been used throughout history as a way to express feelings and crucial information. You can deliver this information to your husband through writing. This is either handwriting the letter yourself or typing and printing it out. However, avoid sending a message or email since this will not have as much weight as a hard copy.
If you are pregnant with your brother in law’s baby, inform him as soon as possible that your affair led to pregnancy. Additionally, ensure that your husband is the next person to know he is not the child’s father. Being honest about your baby’s birth father is fair to the father and your unborn child.