You assume your baby will adore you above everyone else in the world. That is what we are taught, and that is truly what you believe. The truth is, sometimes, some people are introduced in their lives that play a different role that your child may have a different bond for some reason, and you can’t quite figure out why. It may be your mom, your sister, your husband, the girl next door. In this situation, it is the nanny. Of course, it bothers you a bit, but we are going to get you through it. It is not as bad as you think it is. Keep reading; you will find out exactly what is going on and how to cope with it. You may even start feeling grateful for it.
1. Own It!
First up, own it! You have to say it out loud. You have to admit it. You realize that there is some kind of connection between your baby and the nanny. It makes you feel uneasy, and that’s okay. The nanny is more than likely not trying to take your place; she is probably just really good at her job. So let’s start by patting yourself on the back. You did a great job choosing a good person to care for your child.
By saying that your child cares for the nanny, acknowledge that your child loves you as well. And don’t forget that! Regardless, that will never change. Your child gets to play all day with the nanny and has tons of fun. When mom comes in, you have to be a disciplinarian. This is a difference. The nanny is more like an older friend. There is fun involved, and although you can have fun, you still have to do grown-up things, and you can’t get paid just to have fun all day. Do you understand the complete difference in dynamics?
2. Interact More With Your Child During Nanny Time
Now that you have owned it, we will try to change it a little. If you can at all, when the nanny is around, try to interject yourself in some of their time. Make your presence known. Do not take over or interrupt what they are doing because your child will be upset because he or she will feel that you are stopping their fun. You just want to have a little fun along with them so that your child can start seeing you in the same light as the nanny. You want your child to change their view of you, always being just the parent. Yes, you want to stay the authority figure, but you can wear two hats. Parents can do that, you know? Wear those two hats and do it well, and you will win your child’s heart, and she will never look back at the nanny.
3. Spend More One On One Time With Your Child
It is important to find some time to spend with your child while he or she is with the nanny, but it is more important to find time to bond with them alone. You must make memories together when no one else is around. Forget about chores or fussing or about homework or hair combing. Forget about all of the daily life things that go on and focus on a movie or just something silly that you two can make your own. This will make your human to your child. Your child has to see you as a human to start liking you more than the nanny.
Believe it or not, parents are not human to their children. This is a good thing and a bad thing. As not humans, their children believe that their parents can do anything. They believe that they can conquer the world and protect them from all the evils of the world. But on the other hand, it also means that parents are unapproachable, and children are also unable to hang out and talk to them. Children would choose their cool nanny over a parent in a heartbeat. You have to remove that barrier by creating a bond between you and your child so that they can see you for who you are.
4. Make Certain That The Nanny Is Not Discouraging The Child
You have to dot all of your “I’s” and cross all of your “t’s” therefore you must check out the nanny and make sure that she is not discouraging the child from wanting to be around you. You have to be aware and not blind to things that go on in the world. Keep your eyes open. This is rare. I say this, not to ignite anything within you, only to make sure that you know that anything can be possible. There are instances where caregivers make relationships with children where they will bond so tightly with a child that they will not want them to be around their biological parents. If this happens, your child will react to this by becoming very close to the nanny and becoming less close to you. It is very hard to search out a situation like this, especially in a situation where a child is very young, but situations do occur like this. Just be mindful that it can happen.
5. As a last resort, Find Another Nanny
This is truly a last resort and not recommended if you have found that you have a total gem of a nanny. But if you have a nanny that your child likes more than you and you find that you can’t handle it, you may have to find another nanny. Understand that you may be hurting your child more than you are currently hurting. If your child likes your nanny that much, you will be pulling someone away from them that they have become attached to, and that could prove to be detrimental to the child. Tread lightly when it comes to this. Understand that your child will not need a nanny for the rest of their lives. If the nanny is caring for them properly and the only reason you want to get rid of them is that it bothers you, you may want to give it further thought and compare it to the consequences.
It is not ideal when your child likes the nanny more than he or she likes you, but it can be expected when you have to make and enforce rules, and the nanny gets to have a fun time all day. This shouldn’t bother you as much, but if it does, try some of the suggestions above.